I am coming back

Well what has been happening since I last wrote.
Well took a fab trip on a ship what great family time and some fab people.
Said good by to my CP friend hopefully they will keep in touch.
Also the saddest news is a friend that has not had it easy is also fallen pray to the cancer ..... I am here for her and things are looking on the up.
Well for me I am still here and a blessing I have... I have been to see the GYN again  this is where the funny story starts.
The women GYN went to see before the holidays , burnt the cells that had grown and another appoint after holiday went to the next appointment with my mum the problem of having someone that is always away ( where is he now working he will be home sometime on Monday we think) any way. I went in all organised with what  I needed to ask we went through it and she examined me again. easy I here you say not with me and my Vagina.( may be thats another story ). We then sat for the final discussion. She says I am going to take you in for an op to remove the growths.  ( easy I here you say..sorry not so ) I will cut a V and stitch up , ok then the problem in communication broke down. she says " I am going to keep you in over night " ok I here you say " I am going to put a catheter in " ok I say where as I have got urinary diversion , she says you still have tubes. Loss of faith plus concerns arose no answers came.
I am going to skip to the next bit....
Went to see a 2nd opinion,
I am going to continue tomorrow just to keep you hooked....... see you tomorrow xx
Hugs to you all and to all the brave cancer people I know naff name love and hugs I am here so talk I want to help xx

Hospital Visit again

Well folks, wanted to have some great news after the photos sorry for that but thought it may help. Well a weekend spent in the garden .... well Saturday any way for my very artistic creative friends to be proud of me ... making cards with my youngest. Well she thinks its better than what Mummy really wants her to do.
The last bit of my creative journey nearly finished... what next.... cooking as well have to make 2 lemon meringue pies , because I love it when its warm and comes out of the oven and Jerry hates the mess likes cold clean peices...... OCD as usual.
So hospital visit.... just to let you know before I say it I am going to be fine but as usual things are not as clear cut... they have found something on my liver... they will keep it monitored.They are going to send me to a Gyn to sort things out on that side...
They do not want to do any more CT scans until Nov as had a lot ... blood to test kidney liver function and B12 ..
So now I need to take things in hand with a diet , and look what I can do...
Now also I am organising Sydneys 8th Birthday now for 12 girls ( instead of the whole class) that makes it a little easier. Science activities and decorations and food any other ideas on top please let me know. (NOT SURE I CAN COPE ) but I am sure I will.
I will let you know the plan and keep you up dated... also we have now booked a well earned holiday on a cruiseship... not sure where the money will come from but we will manage and great time for 3 of us will miss the eldest but she has hers before ours.
Now made some pumpkin butter this weekend also helped someone with baking recipes hope it helped..
I am a live and have lots to be greatful for cannot wait for a friend well family to come from the USA she will get me sorted...
I am greatful to all my friends even those we have not seen that much of ech other but Ithink and pray for you all everyday.
Thank you for your support... keep reading and help and guide me to my next step.. Where should the blog go

love you all xxx

A look back

I know you are not supposed to look back but I thought a couple of picture of me in hospital may be interesting  Top one is in ICU after 12 hours op and the bottom one is in HDD the day after progress quick and fast.
This is to confrm how far I have come. Over the next few weeks I am going to take control of my diet and I will keep you in formed I will start to post more photos now I know how to also am going to treat my self to a better camera. As ours I can not get close enough to the details. Love to you all

Inspirations

I would like to start my blog and promise it will start to get more interesting. I would like to take about a few moments as my life change and the work I have enjoyed over the last few years with creative partnerships comes to the end .
 I have met many people , I would also like to take the time to say things and over the next few blogs I am going say things to people.

As I wrote on my facebook today Why do people only say nice and the good things you have done for them when you are dead tell someone today before tomorrow may be too late....

Ok this is not for you to say things to me it is for us all to go out to the world and tell the people around use.

I am going to start with someone who at this moment in her life who has lost a great friend ... My mentor Cath Ford who I secretly look up to as I want to be able to always have the write words as she has and who gave the faith that I could do this. I have missed our chats and time and hope that get to spend more time with her and seep some of her knowledge and fun...
Now Cath I hope you do not mind  me using you but a day does not go by when I do not think of you and even more so at this particular time.

Well also in this blog I have to say over the last few week I have wondered why am I still here when many are taken away from use. I feel that I still have a job to do .... I hope this sounds right to people... I was told by some one that like is a train journey and we all get on the train and some of use have to get off ... before our journey is over.

I know this sounds heavy but chat to me and you know that it is not deep thought but an explanation I give.

I am still her for a reason and I have to use mt time wise as I do not know how long I have....life is hard and for some people harder but like creativity and education life is for learning and reflection and evaluating.

People come in to our lifes for a reason and people pass use buy. Please take note of the people you meet on the jouney and treat them well and treat them wisely.
Thank you for staying tuned
For more thought love to all my friends and family far and wide

ok what now

So what now I here you cry... we things are going ok. Had last CT scan nothing new found so good news for that.  But why do I feel so crap well do not know but . I will be fine.
Well some funny news Sydney came to me the other day while I was in the bath and said whats that called... (pointing to my stoma bag) to which I replied bertie  she laughed and said no the so stoma.. urostomy.. so the conversation continued to the renounding naming of the stoma SAMMY and Bertie the urosomy bag so now I am please you have met them  lets have some fun..
Well the thing with the stoma it is like having a alien coming out of you stomach... it moves like a worm..( that the peristoltic motion) so this pink alien . That is attached to me.

So what else not alot else still unable to a lot of activity some days am unable to walk the joints are so bad no good for a dancer. Falling a sleep when I sit and stop for any time oh what great company I am.

This is now coming up to nearly 12 months since all this started what a year .. I am positive and at present I am still here so thats a bonus.
Also My eldest daughter had done her 1st year at uni and will be home next week for the summer.
What I am up to scrapebooking , cooking which is great fun... cooked cheese cake made last week as well as cupcakes.. also made Aoili .. tried Sat night to no success but did again on sunday and what a great acheivement.
So I think I will be adding things and picture of what I am making and cooking.
Also for everyone out there a little thought provoking info from a book I am reading.
I feel I am becoming wise and some thing that I feel people need to understand about cancer... for themselves and the people who have go it.
You are unable to treat cancer as a disease that you can"cure" and then forget about it. . Cancer does not just apear fromanother planet. Cancer is a result of a natural process.
So even though I do not have physical signs of my cancer at present I am still not cured.. this is not saying I am going to die tomorrow or it will return but for some reason I turned my cancer on. The other interesting fact I have found that usually when people find they they are diagnosed with cancer ... it will be come more aggressive they say its the stress that feeds it. Well I am not sure everything is the right answer and you have do do what you can do.
One of the biggest problems when you are first diagnosed is that you enter the amusement park and thinks seem to be out of your control with out the time to reflect and make proper informed decissions. Now I am taking control....

Thanks for your continued support. Please keep in touch its nice to here from you x

Another CT scan

Hi folks only me again. Well it has been a bit of a funny few week funerals and one thing and another. Tomorrow I am off for another CT scan fingers croassed.
I just wish I could tell everyone that this is all over but its not .... and I do not know what is going to happen next. I am trying to do as much as I can but things are difficult I get tired easily.
 Had scan , just waiting for the results now and what is going to happen next. I am trying to rebuild my life and decide where it goes.
Life is different .
Had a busy week last week with a CP get together and a funeral for a wonderful man that believed in the future.
I need to think about getting fitter and what I want and can do.

Mum and Dad back from there break to day they will be well rested.
If I am fine why do I not feel right ... what next
sorry rambling to day a bit in my head at the minute need to get together with people and lets have fun love to my friends and family I love you all ... you are all very important to me.. If you need me you know where I am.
Where shall my blog take us now

Love to you all xx

another day is hear

Well it has been a couple of weeks since I last wrote... Well busy times with Easter and then the wedding  not mine THE WEDDING lots of times and lots of fun. This really tires me out. I am afraid I am very good at the front.
Doing well as can be expected look fantastic.Tan from the nice weather... down side is put lots of weight back on think a lot of water retention ... going through the menopause so quickly is not helping.. bones ache..

I keep forgetting that it was only November I had the op... road to recovery is rocky but I am sure I will get there in the end.
Another CT scan next week , there goes another day of my life.
Still have discharge gross .. cannot wait to get it sorted. Joint pains ... feel absolutly exhausted and feeling off colour not sure why.
Well it has been also a sad month for the loss of a great man who I had the oppertunity to work with . Unfortunatley when people die around me at present it brings on very unusual feelings... my thoughts to family and friends. Also the young girl I spoke of in my last blog is also at peace.
Well had the chance to meet up with collegues and friends this week that I have not seen in a while, that was good.
Also thinking of writing a bucket list ... not sure where to start what do I want to do before I die .. not that I am going any where yet just incase any of you have any thoughts on a good knees upand any way you are not having one with out me.
I am looking for some inspiring ideas... just to give me some inpiration.
Well I could start at the end and work back sounds like fun .. I know for some this is all a bit much and think I am being morbid .... but I can assure you all I am very positive.... tired and fed up of everything but positive.
I did have the idea of selling everything and buying a motor home and travelling the real world ( but Jerry said I need to join it )
He also thinks that I need a job not that I am fit to do one just that I think he thinks I am  not sure 9 sorry ramblin)
Well youngest has started fencing at the club doing really well.... she keeps saying Mummy I do not want you to die...... tough one that... keep smiling.

Need a holiday for family time where to go what to do..... Jerry away all the time is hard.... Everything for him has gone back to normal not even mid week visits home work is busy...

Well we are fine just tough as when we try to talk he changes the subject his way of dealing .. we will get there as I say he want everything to be rosey so if he keeps it that way it will be fine. sorry for the mone . Fed up of long night on my own .... official mone over with..

Ok well I think I need to get some sleep... see you all very soon love to you all god bless xxx

Prayers and thoughts for other people and there losses

Well gang I am here and getting in to the full swing of things . I have something to post that I hope the person that has sent it to me doesn't mind.
Cancer is something that is terrible even if it does not give you the early death sentence from diagnosis it is with you day today with the constant waiting game.
I am doing quite well in my self and as I say I look ok. I have put a lot of weight on in a short period of time ( and its not from eating all the cupcakes) I do not eat them.
I think it is the wine that I am drinking so after this weekend its going to be a detox and no wine for a while well will see how I go.
I had a lovely weekend with a friend the other week relaxing and an opportunity to do some Qigong and Chi Balls, and palites.

Cancer has effected me in more than one way and the people around me, I have lost friends and family to this disease over the years and my daughter recently lost a Friend just after the girls19th Birthday, and another persons mother lost her battle yesterday . My thoughts are with these people and my prayers .

My friends and Family across the pond are dealing with this also and I would like to add the bit from this mothers plight that gives you an in site into the thought of families and decisions that have to be made.

A very hard update.

It's with a very sad and heavy heart that we must inform all of you that Rylie's time is near it's end. After consulting with her Dr team today with the recent progressions of the tumors and not responding at all to the chemotherapy we have decided that the best thing left for Rylie to for us to be a family and enjoy our last few days together in the hospital. We have decided not to move forward with chemotherapy and have asked that we just keep Rylie as comfortable as she can be for the remaining time that we have. Tonight we have had to have the conversation with Hailee and Makayla about what is happening to Rylie and what is going to happen over the next few days. To tell you that is the toughest conversation that I will ever have in my life is purely an understatement. We have tried to explain to our girls and they have responded and are still asking us a lot of questions about what is going to happen to Rylie.
Today is the first day since all of this started that Karen or I have ever felt like it was unfair. As we go thru the next few days with Rylie we are seeing many of Rylie's different medical team come through to say their own goodbyes to her. To see all the people come thru just shows me how vested they all were in taking care of Rylie. Thank you all for love prayers and support thru these impossible times.

Come on, Rock it Rylie!

Living with Cancer: Me again

Living with Cancer: Me again: "Well where was I up to.... Move from CCU up to the step down unit (HDD) Most of the time here was spent sleeping. This will be a quick synop..."

Me again

Well where was I up to.... Move from CCU up to the step down unit (HDD) Most of the time here was spent sleeping. This will be a quick synopsis as well I should have done it as I went along and now what to blog but not sure my life is exciting and not sure people want to read it.
Was made to get up every day with the physio ,
day 1 post op Physio got me out of bed .... gastric tube and drips and things... made to walk to the centre of the room the worst thing was the retching as unable to be sick as nothing there so they draw the stomach acid out to help..
day 2.... Sorry days just blurry in to one so these may not be quite accurate.
Well I know been writing this for ages and finding it hard to get what people want and whether they are really interested in me.
We please ask questions it will get me inspired to write.

Well life has been up and down since I last wrote. I have had my ups and downs. Life is different and I try to keep things as normals as I can . I find it very hard and because I look so well people have for gotten.... well I am not sure that is quite true but .... thats me
.. Well got in to cupcakes and making relishes and preserves jams and marmalades . I am tending to do to much and get very tired.
Had a scan resently and they have found thinckening in my tubes .... so another ct soon to check on it. I seem to have a problem with excessive healing... I had an op in March to remove excessive growths in the vagina  after that they sould not have come back but they have. So discharge from hell sorry for the grossness.

Well Summer is coming and it make the world seem better I AM KEEPING UP THE FIGHT . I am still here and I am keeping going

Love to you all and I am going to try each day to write something please interact with me miss the interaction of people.

Take care and live life have fun xxx

Right

Ok so spent the Thursday night in CCU , with snoring people around me.. the emidural was fab could not feel any pain.. but also could not feel my legs was fun. Mum and Jerry came to see me the night was high and happy ... on the morphine ...

Next morning visit from consultant and tribe about 10 people oh how popular am I .... they said they were really pleased with me and they we sending me to step down sounds like a dance step. A friend came in to see me and could not believe how well I looked... she also said that on Thursday afternoon at school some of the girls wanted to know if dance was on and if Mrs Cheetham would be in .. she said I was preoccupied I bet well should have explained to the surgeon I had a dance class to do.

Tubes in my neck, drains in my side, tubes in my arm and enough bandages where they had used me as a pin cushion... the anesthetist called to see me and asked how her favourite patient was doing. I bet she says that to everyone or it could have been my comedy act in recovery.

The other funny thing that happened was not fun on the persons behalf but from my point of view it was. Mum phoned my Uncle at work he was busy so left a message Natalie doing fine she is in CCU and you can visit.... got translated by the receptionist to your niece is in CCU and you need to go quick... you can imagine his surprise and mine as he dashes in and I  am trying to explain he needs to take his jacket of ... and the relief on his face when I am conscious.

Tubes down my throat of what a weird sessation... and the delight full new abendage my bag ( not named as yet)

Ok well enough for to night sleep is terrible at the minute and upside down also some god dam terrible dream sorry for blast feming  any way must try and get some sleep.... I will continue with my journey and my excirting life and adventures I am having (not... but enjoy)

Thanks and keep reading xx

OK OK

Right OK I know no blog since before the op but for of you out there wondering I am still alive... It has just been difficult.. the simplest things take for ever  I able to discus things but when I shut down to write them like finishing reports and that I can not do it.
Life is difficult and strange at the minute. Post op wise on the road to recovery.... Cancer wise as good as it gets at present so where do I begin well for those of you interested I suppose I should start post op.

Well 12 hours in the theatre ... not that I knew it...woke up in recovery thinking I had the biggest hands going as though I had those massive gloves you see at American football games... also felt like I had the biggest pair of rubber knickers a bit like the trousers that ice hockey player wear.... Then lying there talking to the nurses and anesthetist .. next the surgeon came out and I could here him trying to talk to someone else then I said I am over here..... He had gone in to the wrong area .. in charge as usual .... So about 10 o'clock at night I am wheeled out of the recovery room to see Mum and Jerry gowning up to come into CCU... and all I went on about was that they had broken my foot.. of course it was not broken just pressure sore .......ok I am going to go for a bath and will write some more later .

Thanks again for the silent support I hope you enjoy a snippet of my life . I will bring you upto date very quickly with the ups and down and perhaps what my future holds ... Love you all xxx