Well still waiting to sign form , but have had a great creative chat with an ex teacher, while she was giving me a foot massage. Just to let you know she woke Jerry up out of the comfy chair, chance would be good if yoou could fall a sleep like he does.
Was writing letters last night and he thinks I am writing because I think I am going to die , no such luck he cannot pay the mortgage off yet or run of with the blonde to some hot country.
Sorry causing mischief as usual but it is keeping me entertained. no fit doctors come to see me yet , need to know if I can order food. Light food that's all. Not good when you are a veggie and they offer you meat soup.
So toast it is not that it is going to stay in their long after the medication. Waiting for stoma nurse to mark me up a long waiting day so more blocks should keep you and me entertained please comment so I can reply and have some fun.
Thanks to you all
Wednesday, 3 November 2010
Day before op 3rd Nov 10:30am
Well a busy few days, pre op assesment on Thursday what a long day that was I am sure they could organise it better but never mind what else do I have to do in my life hey.
Well fun weekend with family and friends and thank you to all the people that have been their for me over the past few months and for the continued support.
Wednesday 3rd November - Day before the operation, got most of my life paper work done some more things will be done to day now it is just the waiting game and preparation for tomorrow.
How am I feeling very scared had operations before I really feel I am stepping in to the unknown, this is the last part ... well sort of recovery will be a long long road with many a winding turn ... sorry for the song.
Up beat to the last and always. I will continue to post as much as I can through out today and then when I am up to it afterwards.
Great night last night with friends I never knew how many people I had touched and how well liked I was its either that or they are just trying to make sure that if I go they get something well news is not going yet and the only thing I have got is debt...lol ( please do not take this the wrong way anyone this is just my sense of humour).
Well I am here at the hospital oh what a boring starving day this is going to be..
Love to you all for now ..
Well fun weekend with family and friends and thank you to all the people that have been their for me over the past few months and for the continued support.
Wednesday 3rd November - Day before the operation, got most of my life paper work done some more things will be done to day now it is just the waiting game and preparation for tomorrow.
How am I feeling very scared had operations before I really feel I am stepping in to the unknown, this is the last part ... well sort of recovery will be a long long road with many a winding turn ... sorry for the song.
Up beat to the last and always. I will continue to post as much as I can through out today and then when I am up to it afterwards.
Great night last night with friends I never knew how many people I had touched and how well liked I was its either that or they are just trying to make sure that if I go they get something well news is not going yet and the only thing I have got is debt...lol ( please do not take this the wrong way anyone this is just my sense of humour).
Well I am here at the hospital oh what a boring starving day this is going to be..
Love to you all for now ..
Thursday, 28 October 2010
10, 9, 8 days and counting
OK well only 10 days till the operation , well here we go. Pre op assessment today why these things take so long but if the organised them selves they could be quicker.
Monday went to see the consultant.. final decision the bag not the neo... all is well tumour starting to grow again so glad that its not long before it come out.. the bladder that is. How we know growth of tumour... this sounds discussting but just some info to keep you going until I can tell you all about the operation.
Urine dark red blood colour very nice well not really and the calcium deposits are back so that's a clear sign that is growing but seeing as did not have all these symptoms to start with its Ironinc I am having them now.
Care package in place for when I come out so Mum and Dad do not have to take all the strain.
Tuesday not sure what happened on that day obviouly not exciting mainly slept, did a movie afternoon with the youngest well it is halfterm. Wednesday another day of trying to complete things and finish CP stuff I am finding it so hard words are not flowing some devine intervention needed. New Bed settee for the spare bedroom so when required Mum and Dad can stay in comfort at least.
Thursday ... Hospital from 1pm till 5pm oh what an exciting life I lead. I am off out for a meal with the girls tonight and looking forward to it..
Well keep reading and please write back love to you all and for all the positive thoughts. I am also writing letters and notes to people request and hopes and things.
Love and Best wishes from the continual up beat fighter xxx
Monday went to see the consultant.. final decision the bag not the neo... all is well tumour starting to grow again so glad that its not long before it come out.. the bladder that is. How we know growth of tumour... this sounds discussting but just some info to keep you going until I can tell you all about the operation.
Urine dark red blood colour very nice well not really and the calcium deposits are back so that's a clear sign that is growing but seeing as did not have all these symptoms to start with its Ironinc I am having them now.
Care package in place for when I come out so Mum and Dad do not have to take all the strain.
Tuesday not sure what happened on that day obviouly not exciting mainly slept, did a movie afternoon with the youngest well it is halfterm. Wednesday another day of trying to complete things and finish CP stuff I am finding it so hard words are not flowing some devine intervention needed. New Bed settee for the spare bedroom so when required Mum and Dad can stay in comfort at least.
Thursday ... Hospital from 1pm till 5pm oh what an exciting life I lead. I am off out for a meal with the girls tonight and looking forward to it..
Well keep reading and please write back love to you all and for all the positive thoughts. I am also writing letters and notes to people request and hopes and things.
Love and Best wishes from the continual up beat fighter xxx
Monday, 25 October 2010
Well what next
Well I am still alive sorry not updated the blog for a while , been busy and been in hospital so oh what fun.
I am doing really well at the moment.. still trying to build my strength up. Been on a trip away and birthdays.
I have a date for the operation so on a count down to that still not made a decision on whether stoma or neo bladder . I am very nervous and scared about the operation , I do not have a choice if I want a better chance of survival. Well life changing decissions.... I have had a few break downs recently with emotions as lots going on with what to do.
Edlest daughter is doing well at uni so one less thing to worry about. Sydney is growing up and becoming a star. Well I know its early but starting to think about Christmas and prearing things I can before the op... I am sure as usual my Mum will be a star and pick up the rains.
I had a dance teacher but I think she got a better offer ... I just wish people will be honest with me so that I can orgaise things but never mind hopefully will get it sorted.
I am also having to look at the business ... as know one to run it so will have to close it all down just sad after all the work I have done so if any one wants to buy any business stuff let me know.
I have sorted out the people to help in the house in looking after me and Sydney so thats really good. I will promise to write everyday upto the op and then there will be a break and it will start when I am contious after the op.
Today off to see the consultant and sometime this week will be having pre op assesment... So tyding things up and writing letters before I go in.
Keep reading will be back soon
I am doing really well at the moment.. still trying to build my strength up. Been on a trip away and birthdays.
I have a date for the operation so on a count down to that still not made a decision on whether stoma or neo bladder . I am very nervous and scared about the operation , I do not have a choice if I want a better chance of survival. Well life changing decissions.... I have had a few break downs recently with emotions as lots going on with what to do.
Edlest daughter is doing well at uni so one less thing to worry about. Sydney is growing up and becoming a star. Well I know its early but starting to think about Christmas and prearing things I can before the op... I am sure as usual my Mum will be a star and pick up the rains.
I had a dance teacher but I think she got a better offer ... I just wish people will be honest with me so that I can orgaise things but never mind hopefully will get it sorted.
I am also having to look at the business ... as know one to run it so will have to close it all down just sad after all the work I have done so if any one wants to buy any business stuff let me know.
I have sorted out the people to help in the house in looking after me and Sydney so thats really good. I will promise to write everyday upto the op and then there will be a break and it will start when I am contious after the op.
Today off to see the consultant and sometime this week will be having pre op assesment... So tyding things up and writing letters before I go in.
Keep reading will be back soon
Tuesday, 21 September 2010
after last 16 hour chemo
Felling OK today just tired as lack of sleep and the incredible toilet trip keep you on a continuous treadmill. Well yesterdays event cannula went in well yesterday so things went very well. I was planning to finish and close my report file for last year but it did not happen HELP ..... One thing I am not coping very well with is that things I was able to do easily now take me forever. A little celebration and cake at the hospital for Dani's 19th Birthday . Sydney is being a star at school and a comic as usual. The lady that does the tea/coffee and meals popped in the room while I was in with the Doctor and Jerry and said was it OK if she gave my niece some Jelly well , she said it was because I looked so young not convinced but better than being her grandmother. The Doctor said I wonder how she would look and feel after all the chemo.
It was great to see some friends this week brilliant , really made my day.......went to friends for dinner on Saturday another great evening. You really begin to know who your friends are and who cares and I now I have a lot of those.
Well last chemo today then heads up for op. I am hoping to show my face at the CA day tomorrow if well enough just whether I drive or what to do. Preparations for Dani and uni all completed she goes this Saturday I will miss her and not sure how to manage but in my true fashion I will.
My brain and body feels absolutely fuddled, but as chemo kills cells its to be expected. I am just finding it hard to even read a book.....but I am sure it will all improve and things are moving in the right direction.
Thats all for now thak you for reading and please continue xxx Natalie
It was great to see some friends this week brilliant , really made my day.......went to friends for dinner on Saturday another great evening. You really begin to know who your friends are and who cares and I now I have a lot of those.
Well last chemo today then heads up for op. I am hoping to show my face at the CA day tomorrow if well enough just whether I drive or what to do. Preparations for Dani and uni all completed she goes this Saturday I will miss her and not sure how to manage but in my true fashion I will.
My brain and body feels absolutely fuddled, but as chemo kills cells its to be expected. I am just finding it hard to even read a book.....but I am sure it will all improve and things are moving in the right direction.
Thats all for now thak you for reading and please continue xxx Natalie
Tuesday, 14 September 2010
OK
OK gang just not been very chipper lately and the slightest thing is taking me for ever. I have some good news well as good as it get at the minute. Well saw the consultant last week and as far as they can see at present they cannot see any tumors any where else so very good news. Also no more tumor growth in the bladder. This means one more round of chemo.... oh what fun.... so op in about 8 weeks.
Well life has not been that brilliant just hard work lost of visits from people trying to sort out the care package for after the op as hopefully will be back to normal by spring if not before if I have my way.
Well cannot stand the fact that I cannot even concentrate on the easiest things. I still have reports to finish and just want to complete them but finding it so hard to do.
Sydney started trampolining lessons this week arrived with her and Jerry on Sunday me not particularly on top form .. but Jerry and I thought we could go and have a little sit down and a coffee for an hour but no such chance .. the young girl said because she was not 8 we had to stay well I was not well enough for that and what are we paying for...... So in the end after a complaint....I went and sat in the car until she had finished, this is no fun as I have no extra energy and feel like crap .
If I am up and about just a little while I need my bed... its just so hard I never thought I would be this ill.
Well folks a little update will promise to do it more regularly this week if I can stay awake long enough. Well off to the hospital in about an hour for another 16 hour on slaught of chemo. One thing I am really hating is the fact I am finding it hard to plan anything as I never know how I am going to feel
Well must dash will try and continue later in the hospital...need pack case and make sure I have everything
Thank you everyone for there continued support. I promise Curious Minds I will complete mt contract this week I hope I am sooooooooooooo fed up want to get rid of this off my head but difficult.
Well god bless everyone for the thoughts and prays love to you all Natalie xxx
Well life has not been that brilliant just hard work lost of visits from people trying to sort out the care package for after the op as hopefully will be back to normal by spring if not before if I have my way.
Well cannot stand the fact that I cannot even concentrate on the easiest things. I still have reports to finish and just want to complete them but finding it so hard to do.
Sydney started trampolining lessons this week arrived with her and Jerry on Sunday me not particularly on top form .. but Jerry and I thought we could go and have a little sit down and a coffee for an hour but no such chance .. the young girl said because she was not 8 we had to stay well I was not well enough for that and what are we paying for...... So in the end after a complaint....I went and sat in the car until she had finished, this is no fun as I have no extra energy and feel like crap .
If I am up and about just a little while I need my bed... its just so hard I never thought I would be this ill.
Well folks a little update will promise to do it more regularly this week if I can stay awake long enough. Well off to the hospital in about an hour for another 16 hour on slaught of chemo. One thing I am really hating is the fact I am finding it hard to plan anything as I never know how I am going to feel
Well must dash will try and continue later in the hospital...need pack case and make sure I have everything
Thank you everyone for there continued support. I promise Curious Minds I will complete mt contract this week I hope I am sooooooooooooo fed up want to get rid of this off my head but difficult.
Well god bless everyone for the thoughts and prays love to you all Natalie xxx
Friday, 3 September 2010
Another Bright day
Well been an up and down week, feeling quite well and then someone keeps taking it away. Well Tuesday another chemo day... not too bad apart from this blooming vein problem arm still really sore.
Saw consultant right had meeting and then chemo , fun as usual with the chemo nurses. One of then is really funny really lifts you up. If I did not feel bad enough Jerry said I had a moon face.
Wednesday had a fantastic meeting with the Macmillan nurse really helping me get things moving... Well as I mentioned before I have these ladies that call in to make sure I am OK and eaten while Jerry is away and help with anything I would like.
Well one night and they keep wanting to send this poor young lad to put me to bed (this is the last call of the day ) when I have a bath so was not keen on this young lad doing that so just a bit awkward I am sure he is perfectly wonderful and if it was food and earlier on the day I am sure it would not concern me so much but when its 9 pm not convinced. I know at any other time I am sure it would be fun but not at the minute.
Well Thursday this week went for a scan , hospital visits seem to be the norm but never quick , had to be there for 8:15 am , went with Mum and her friend drove us as Dad was sorting Sydney.
It was fun as any trip to a hospital was. When you first arrive for the scan they give you a drink aniseed flavour (not enjoyable) mixed with blackcurrant, not fantastic on an already funny tummy.
So took my flask and mum and Kath and we went to the cafe they had latte and cappuccino, I wish I was haing that and not this flipping drink... well only place to sit was on a table with this quite distinguised man in a pinstriped suit, he said it was ok to sit. Well carried on with our conversation and unfortunate for him my occasional wretching not plesent I am sure.... when is friend/college arrived he said that we had entertained him and was better company than his friends.... Also the only way I was getting this down was slowly.. thought I would try a packet of crisps thet cost 50p what a rip off but it did help then back for the scan.....strip off into the gown split to the back , keeping my dignaty. Then in to the room on the table hooked up to the dye that gives you a warm feeling when goes in.
After the excitment of the scan , off to try my wig ..... Sally (the wig ) is brill very natural Thank you NHS for a free bit of dignaty.
Not lost all my hair , but because of the limpness and as Jerry said I lost over half.. A friend of my that saw me last week with hair falling all over the place thought I would be bald this week but not yet.
Sydney back to school normality for her... reports still to finally finish. Rest week apart from a couple of hospital visits so should be better.. also got medication for a throat stomach infection so should stop feeling sick.
Thank again for the great support and comments it makes ,me smile. Just to let you know on the hard stuff now shandy still cannot drink wine. The other thing I am loving at present is fruit.. it sounds like pregnancy cravings.
Had some great conversations this week with friends and family and thanks for them for listening and talking to me.
Love to all that ready keep going and Iwill I will try and upload some hair picture to laugh at plus sally
Love to you all Natalie xxx
Saw consultant right had meeting and then chemo , fun as usual with the chemo nurses. One of then is really funny really lifts you up. If I did not feel bad enough Jerry said I had a moon face.
Wednesday had a fantastic meeting with the Macmillan nurse really helping me get things moving... Well as I mentioned before I have these ladies that call in to make sure I am OK and eaten while Jerry is away and help with anything I would like.
Well one night and they keep wanting to send this poor young lad to put me to bed (this is the last call of the day ) when I have a bath so was not keen on this young lad doing that so just a bit awkward I am sure he is perfectly wonderful and if it was food and earlier on the day I am sure it would not concern me so much but when its 9 pm not convinced. I know at any other time I am sure it would be fun but not at the minute.
Well Thursday this week went for a scan , hospital visits seem to be the norm but never quick , had to be there for 8:15 am , went with Mum and her friend drove us as Dad was sorting Sydney.
It was fun as any trip to a hospital was. When you first arrive for the scan they give you a drink aniseed flavour (not enjoyable) mixed with blackcurrant, not fantastic on an already funny tummy.
So took my flask and mum and Kath and we went to the cafe they had latte and cappuccino, I wish I was haing that and not this flipping drink... well only place to sit was on a table with this quite distinguised man in a pinstriped suit, he said it was ok to sit. Well carried on with our conversation and unfortunate for him my occasional wretching not plesent I am sure.... when is friend/college arrived he said that we had entertained him and was better company than his friends.... Also the only way I was getting this down was slowly.. thought I would try a packet of crisps thet cost 50p what a rip off but it did help then back for the scan.....strip off into the gown split to the back , keeping my dignaty. Then in to the room on the table hooked up to the dye that gives you a warm feeling when goes in.
After the excitment of the scan , off to try my wig ..... Sally (the wig ) is brill very natural Thank you NHS for a free bit of dignaty.
Not lost all my hair , but because of the limpness and as Jerry said I lost over half.. A friend of my that saw me last week with hair falling all over the place thought I would be bald this week but not yet.
Sydney back to school normality for her... reports still to finally finish. Rest week apart from a couple of hospital visits so should be better.. also got medication for a throat stomach infection so should stop feeling sick.
Thank again for the great support and comments it makes ,me smile. Just to let you know on the hard stuff now shandy still cannot drink wine. The other thing I am loving at present is fruit.. it sounds like pregnancy cravings.
Had some great conversations this week with friends and family and thanks for them for listening and talking to me.
Love to all that ready keep going and Iwill I will try and upload some hair picture to laugh at plus sally
Love to you all Natalie xxx
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