Review of the last 12 months

Well at this time of year we always take stock of our life and what it is all about. I have not written for a while but I think it is time to get back in the saddle and up date you about some fun things that have happened and some not so funny.

Well the New Year started with a bit of a bang , on aroutine visit to the physio , next thing in AE waiting for an MRI scan , look they think its bone cancer.....

I am going to start this again and as it evolves over the next few weeks months please bare with me and carry on reading.
 This is just a short start of something I started a while ago xx

I am coming back

Well what has been happening since I last wrote.
Well took a fab trip on a ship what great family time and some fab people.
Said good by to my CP friend hopefully they will keep in touch.
Also the saddest news is a friend that has not had it easy is also fallen pray to the cancer ..... I am here for her and things are looking on the up.
Well for me I am still here and a blessing I have... I have been to see the GYN again  this is where the funny story starts.
The women GYN went to see before the holidays , burnt the cells that had grown and another appoint after holiday went to the next appointment with my mum the problem of having someone that is always away ( where is he now working he will be home sometime on Monday we think) any way. I went in all organised with what  I needed to ask we went through it and she examined me again. easy I here you say not with me and my Vagina.( may be thats another story ). We then sat for the final discussion. She says I am going to take you in for an op to remove the growths.  ( easy I here you say..sorry not so ) I will cut a V and stitch up , ok then the problem in communication broke down. she says " I am going to keep you in over night " ok I here you say " I am going to put a catheter in " ok I say where as I have got urinary diversion , she says you still have tubes. Loss of faith plus concerns arose no answers came.
I am going to skip to the next bit....
Went to see a 2nd opinion,
I am going to continue tomorrow just to keep you hooked....... see you tomorrow xx
Hugs to you all and to all the brave cancer people I know naff name love and hugs I am here so talk I want to help xx

Hospital Visit again

Well folks, wanted to have some great news after the photos sorry for that but thought it may help. Well a weekend spent in the garden .... well Saturday any way for my very artistic creative friends to be proud of me ... making cards with my youngest. Well she thinks its better than what Mummy really wants her to do.
The last bit of my creative journey nearly finished... what next.... cooking as well have to make 2 lemon meringue pies , because I love it when its warm and comes out of the oven and Jerry hates the mess likes cold clean peices...... OCD as usual.
So hospital visit.... just to let you know before I say it I am going to be fine but as usual things are not as clear cut... they have found something on my liver... they will keep it monitored.They are going to send me to a Gyn to sort things out on that side...
They do not want to do any more CT scans until Nov as had a lot ... blood to test kidney liver function and B12 ..
So now I need to take things in hand with a diet , and look what I can do...
Now also I am organising Sydneys 8th Birthday now for 12 girls ( instead of the whole class) that makes it a little easier. Science activities and decorations and food any other ideas on top please let me know. (NOT SURE I CAN COPE ) but I am sure I will.
I will let you know the plan and keep you up dated... also we have now booked a well earned holiday on a cruiseship... not sure where the money will come from but we will manage and great time for 3 of us will miss the eldest but she has hers before ours.
Now made some pumpkin butter this weekend also helped someone with baking recipes hope it helped..
I am a live and have lots to be greatful for cannot wait for a friend well family to come from the USA she will get me sorted...
I am greatful to all my friends even those we have not seen that much of ech other but Ithink and pray for you all everyday.
Thank you for your support... keep reading and help and guide me to my next step.. Where should the blog go

love you all xxx

A look back

I know you are not supposed to look back but I thought a couple of picture of me in hospital may be interesting  Top one is in ICU after 12 hours op and the bottom one is in HDD the day after progress quick and fast.
This is to confrm how far I have come. Over the next few weeks I am going to take control of my diet and I will keep you in formed I will start to post more photos now I know how to also am going to treat my self to a better camera. As ours I can not get close enough to the details. Love to you all

Inspirations

I would like to start my blog and promise it will start to get more interesting. I would like to take about a few moments as my life change and the work I have enjoyed over the last few years with creative partnerships comes to the end .
 I have met many people , I would also like to take the time to say things and over the next few blogs I am going say things to people.

As I wrote on my facebook today Why do people only say nice and the good things you have done for them when you are dead tell someone today before tomorrow may be too late....

Ok this is not for you to say things to me it is for us all to go out to the world and tell the people around use.

I am going to start with someone who at this moment in her life who has lost a great friend ... My mentor Cath Ford who I secretly look up to as I want to be able to always have the write words as she has and who gave the faith that I could do this. I have missed our chats and time and hope that get to spend more time with her and seep some of her knowledge and fun...
Now Cath I hope you do not mind  me using you but a day does not go by when I do not think of you and even more so at this particular time.

Well also in this blog I have to say over the last few week I have wondered why am I still here when many are taken away from use. I feel that I still have a job to do .... I hope this sounds right to people... I was told by some one that like is a train journey and we all get on the train and some of use have to get off ... before our journey is over.

I know this sounds heavy but chat to me and you know that it is not deep thought but an explanation I give.

I am still her for a reason and I have to use mt time wise as I do not know how long I have....life is hard and for some people harder but like creativity and education life is for learning and reflection and evaluating.

People come in to our lifes for a reason and people pass use buy. Please take note of the people you meet on the jouney and treat them well and treat them wisely.
Thank you for staying tuned
For more thought love to all my friends and family far and wide

ok what now

So what now I here you cry... we things are going ok. Had last CT scan nothing new found so good news for that.  But why do I feel so crap well do not know but . I will be fine.
Well some funny news Sydney came to me the other day while I was in the bath and said whats that called... (pointing to my stoma bag) to which I replied bertie  she laughed and said no the so stoma.. urostomy.. so the conversation continued to the renounding naming of the stoma SAMMY and Bertie the urosomy bag so now I am please you have met them  lets have some fun..
Well the thing with the stoma it is like having a alien coming out of you stomach... it moves like a worm..( that the peristoltic motion) so this pink alien . That is attached to me.

So what else not alot else still unable to a lot of activity some days am unable to walk the joints are so bad no good for a dancer. Falling a sleep when I sit and stop for any time oh what great company I am.

This is now coming up to nearly 12 months since all this started what a year .. I am positive and at present I am still here so thats a bonus.
Also My eldest daughter had done her 1st year at uni and will be home next week for the summer.
What I am up to scrapebooking , cooking which is great fun... cooked cheese cake made last week as well as cupcakes.. also made Aoili .. tried Sat night to no success but did again on sunday and what a great acheivement.
So I think I will be adding things and picture of what I am making and cooking.
Also for everyone out there a little thought provoking info from a book I am reading.
I feel I am becoming wise and some thing that I feel people need to understand about cancer... for themselves and the people who have go it.
You are unable to treat cancer as a disease that you can"cure" and then forget about it. . Cancer does not just apear fromanother planet. Cancer is a result of a natural process.
So even though I do not have physical signs of my cancer at present I am still not cured.. this is not saying I am going to die tomorrow or it will return but for some reason I turned my cancer on. The other interesting fact I have found that usually when people find they they are diagnosed with cancer ... it will be come more aggressive they say its the stress that feeds it. Well I am not sure everything is the right answer and you have do do what you can do.
One of the biggest problems when you are first diagnosed is that you enter the amusement park and thinks seem to be out of your control with out the time to reflect and make proper informed decissions. Now I am taking control....

Thanks for your continued support. Please keep in touch its nice to here from you x

Another CT scan

Hi folks only me again. Well it has been a bit of a funny few week funerals and one thing and another. Tomorrow I am off for another CT scan fingers croassed.
I just wish I could tell everyone that this is all over but its not .... and I do not know what is going to happen next. I am trying to do as much as I can but things are difficult I get tired easily.
 Had scan , just waiting for the results now and what is going to happen next. I am trying to rebuild my life and decide where it goes.
Life is different .
Had a busy week last week with a CP get together and a funeral for a wonderful man that believed in the future.
I need to think about getting fitter and what I want and can do.

Mum and Dad back from there break to day they will be well rested.
If I am fine why do I not feel right ... what next
sorry rambling to day a bit in my head at the minute need to get together with people and lets have fun love to my friends and family I love you all ... you are all very important to me.. If you need me you know where I am.
Where shall my blog take us now

Love to you all xx